Thursday, March 26, 2015

Testament to the Journey

I received this email four days before my first race back after surgery.  I was already anxious about toeing the start line.  After almost a year away from racing, I was uncertain about pacing and how I would handle the pain of a hard effort.  I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness nor at the weight I wanted to be for racing.  I thought a fun local 5k would be the most stress-free way to begin my journey back to racing, until I read these hateful words.

I was having a tough week already, and this put me over the top.  I couldn't stop crying for the next couple of hours (which is really embarrassing at a law office where there are only three people working!).  I was shocked and hurt.  This man had called me rude and conceited, when I try really hard to be considerate and humble.  Even worse, he said I wasn't a very good runner, at a time when I am questioning my talent as an athlete and my ability to return to competitive steepling. 
                                
I was crushed and couldn't stop thinking about this email for the next couple days.  I knew my obsessive thoughts were unnecessary.  This man and his mean words should have no influence on my well-being, but I couldn't shake that this stranger had taken a stab where my ego was most vulnerable.  I thought about not racing because I felt so distracted.

But after two days the pain had dulled, and I finally felt what I had been telling myself all along: I try to be a good person; I didn't do anything wrong; and racing is a celebration of hard work and having the courage to challenge yourself.  Racing is a testament to friends, family, medical support, and coaches, who have supported you in your journey.  I've had many periods in my life where I have been overwhelmed by the expectations, or my perceived expectations, from others.  In most cases, the expectations have been for me to achieve high results.  In a few cases, such as this man, people want to see me fail.  Either way, it can be hard to let them go, even though intellectually I know these outside judgments don’t matter.


As I stood at the start line, I did have to face the man who had briefly shaken my self-confidence.  He was giving commentary over the loudspeaker before the start of the race.  He listed the elite athletes in the race and their accomplishments.  He didn't mention my name, but I didn't care.  I’m not running to please anybody or to hear my name over a loudspeaker.  I’m running for myself.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

DIY Depression Medication

I’m been thinking about, experimenting with, and enjoying creating my own natural remedies for a few months now.  Some of my concoctions have been amazing; others less impressive.  Either way, I’m gathering knowledge about herbs I’ll be able to use for the rest of my life.

My curiosity with natural health remedies got started when I looked into alternative ways to treat depression.  I am very thankful for the bump in my mood I get each day thanks to my little white pill.  I don’t know how I would have survived the last few years without it.  But I hate feeling so reliant on one piece of medicine

Over the past few years, I’ve supplemented the medicine with getting as much sunlight and Vitamin D as I can.  In the winter I take Vitamin D supplements and go tanning once or twice a week for 10-12 minutes on the most basic bed available.  I also keep a big full-spectrum light by my bed to use when I wake up in the morning and before going to bed.  I spend as much time as I can run in a sunny location during the winter months.  Usually I can only squeeze in a couple weeks, but I was lucky to be able to train in Albuquerque for two months last year.

Over the past year, I’ve tried a couple new things. I’m meditating regularly, about 10 minutes, 5 days a week.  I’ve also tried to get some counseling, but there are not many options on my poor-runner state health care plan.  My latest scheme has to get seen by a local psychiatric clinic that takes Medicaid, but you have to go through an intake process, and I’ve been playing phone tag with the admissions dude for about a month now.

While all these methods seem to elevate my mood, I’m always looking for better ways to manage my depression and seasonal affective disorder.  In my research, I came across St. John’s Wort, a plant that has been used medicinally around the world.   St. John’s Wort is commonly prescribed for depression in Europe, but is rarely used in the United States.

I’ve started drinking St. John’s Wort tea, and I made a St. John’s Wort tincture, which will be ready to try soon.  I also just put together the ingredients to make a seasonal affective disorder tincture from Rosemary Gladstar’s book, Medicinal Herbs. The tincture calls for equal parts St. John’s Wort, oat tops, and Hawthorn berries, leaves, and bark.

St. John’s Wort Tincture (from Medical Herbs by Rosemary Gladstar)

Ingredients:

ü     2 parts St. John’s Wort flower
ü     1 part green oar top (milky top of just-riped oats)
ü     1 part hawthorn leaf, flower, and berry
ü     80 vodka

Directions:

  1. Fill a glass jar with herbs, leaving 2 inches of space at the top. 
  2. Fill the jar with vodka.
  3. Let the mixture sit by the radiator/heater/fireplace for 1-3 months, depending on the recipe, shaking it as often as you remember (recipes recommend once or twice every day). 
  4. Once the time is up, strain the herbs out of the liquid, and divide between dropper bottles. 


To use a tincture, squirt a droperful of the tincture into a glass.  Fill the glass with some water or juice, and drink.  Tinctures don’t always taste great, but the health benefits are well worth the flavor.

Depression Medicine

I’m been thinking about, experimenting with, and enjoying creating my own natural remedies for a few months now.  Some of my concoctions have been amazing; others less impressive.  Either way, I’m gathering knowledge about herbs I’ll be able to use for the rest of my life.

My curiosity with natural health remedies got started when I looked into alternative ways to treat depression.  I am very thankful for the bump in my mood I get each day thanks to my little white pill.  I don’t know how I would have survived the last few years without it.  But I hate feeling so reliant on one piece of medicine

Over the past few years, I’ve supplemented the medicine with getting as much sunlight and Vitamin D as I can.  In the winter I take Vitamin D supplements and go tanning once or twice a week for 10-12 minutes on the most basic bed available.  I also keep a big full-spectrum light by my bed to use when I wake up in the morning and before going to bed.  I spend as much time as I can run in a sunny location during the winter months.  Usually I can only squeeze in a couple weeks, but I was lucky to be able to train in Albuquerque for two months last year.

Over the past year, I’ve tried a couple new things. I’m meditating regularly, about 10 minutes, 5 days a week.  I’ve also tried to get some counseling, but there are not many options on my poor-runner state health care plan.  My latest scheme has to get seen by a local psychiatric clinic that takes Medicaid, but you have to go through an intake process, and I’ve been playing phone tag with the admissions dude for about a month now.

While all these methods seem to elevate my mood, I’m always looking for better ways to manage my depression and seasonal affective disorder.  In my research, I came across St. John’s Wort, a plant that has been used medicinally around the world.   St. John’s Wort is commonly prescribed for depression in Europe, but is rarely used in the United States.

I’ve started drinking St. John’s Wort tea, and I made a St. John’s Wort tincture, which will be ready to try soon.  I also just put together the ingredients to make a seasonal affective disorder tincture from Rosemary Gladstar’s book, Medicinal Herbs. The tincture calls for equal parts St. John’s Wort, oat tops, and Hawthorn berries, leaves, and bark.

St. John’s Wort Tincture (from Medical Herbs by Rosemary Gladstar)

Ingredients:
ü     2 parts St. John’s Wort flower
ü     1 part green oar top (milky top of just-riped oats)
ü     1 part hawthorn leaf, flower, and berry
ü     80 vodka

Directions:

  1. Fill a glass jar with herbs, leaving 2 inches of space at the top. 
  2. Fill the jar with vodka.
  3. Let the mixture sit by the radiator/heater/fireplace for 1-3 months, depending on the recipe, shaking it as often as you remember (recipes recommend once or twice every day). 
  4. Once the time is up, strain the herbs out of the liquid, and divide between dropper bottles. 


To use a tincture, squirt a droperful of the tincture into a glass.  Fill the glass with some water or juice, and drink.  Tinctures don’t always taste great, but the health benefits are well worth the flavor.